When you say “yes” to things, there has to be a natural subtraction, a corresponding “no” to something else. Lately, my additions by subtraction has led to me writing less, which I am totally fine with, at least temporarily. But some of that work in the addition area, combined with recent events and the current climate in our country, have pushed me to set aside some time to write today.
Let’s talk about lateral violence. It’s a new term for me too, and the studies I read centered around the healthcare industry, and nursing specifically. Here’s the definition, from EBSCO:
Lateral violence, which is sometimes called horizontal violence, is hostility among people on the same hierarchical level within a community or an organization. The term is sometimes used to describe hostility or violence among peers in oppressed groups; instead of directing their aggression at their oppressors, some members of these groups will take out their anger and frustration on their peers. More often, “lateral violence” is used to describe disruptive or uncivil behavior among colleagues in a work environment.
I was studying this concept in correlation with expanding some of the materials in the Women in Title (WIT)‘s national initiative, The Bubble Project. Specifically, I was researching techniques to help my cohorts confront misconduct directed at them by those of the same gender.
Lateral violence in the workplace rarely involves actual physical violence. Although physical aggression is possible, it more often involves emotional or verbal abuse. The goal of lateral violence is to dominate and diminish one’s coworkers and other fellow employees.
Does any of this sound familiar yet? “Instead of directing their aggression at their oppressors…(they) take out their anger and frustration on their peers.”
I’m not here to opine on the source of your aggression or who you define your oppressors to be. I’m here to say, very simply, stop taking it out on your peers.
The training I provide as part of The Bubble Project is to help equip advocates to diffuse or remove themselves and others from a situation where misconduct is occurring or very likely to occur. This involves cognitive rehearsal, the repetition of phrases devoid of emotion but firm and clear in message and intent. The goal? To stop the behavior in its tracks. I train them on how to deal with the source of the misconduct. And now I’m addressing that source.
Hurt people hurt people. You don’t know what they’re going through. Impact not intent. I know and utilize all these phrases. I am a compassionate person and tend to give most people the benefit of the doubt. But. The alarming increase in lateral violence, inside and outside the work environment, needs to be addressed.
Your coworkers are not your oppressors. Your family are not your oppressors. Your children are not your oppressors. The strangers on the internet are not your oppressors. None of them deserve hostility for your idea of oppression that not only do they have nothing to do with, but are likely experiencing right alongside you.
If you are identifying yourself as the source of some misconduct, considering that maybe you’ve engaged in lateral violence and are misdirecting your frustrations, disappointments, and fear to the wrong person, here are some tools for you:
- Identify your triggers. Is it scrolling on social media and reading long comment threads that get your blood pressure to skyrocket? Is it the organization you work for that continually makes demands of you that are illogical or impossible to achieve? Are the clients you’re working with disrespectful of your time and expertise? Or are you yourself the subject of lateral violence and you’re taking it out somewhere else in your life?
- Develop a trigger-specific strategy. If it’s social media, that’s easy – remove it or limit your time. Unfollow accounts that trigger you. Add more puppy and cat videos. Despite what you think, you are in charge of your algorithm. If it’s a trigger outside your control, like the organization you work for or your clients, a cognitive rehearsal program will work for you, just like it does for my cohorts. You first have to figure out why you are triggered – is it condescension, gossip, intimidation, exclusion, criticism, disrespect, or aggression? Once you’ve identified the specific reason you are being triggered, you can focus in on a phrase that communicates what you need without emotion. Do you need to remove yourself from the situation so you can develop a more thought-out response? Use “That was not the response I was anticipating. I will take some time to process and get back to you with my response at a later time.” Has the tone of the conversation turned disrespectful and you can feel your blood pressure rising? Try “This conversation is no longer productive for me.” Are you witnessing your colleague being belittled or excluded? “I will not participate in a conversation that excludes/disrespects our colleague” or “That sounds like gossip. Let’s keep this conversation focused on the project.” For criticism that you feel is inappropriate, “That criticism was inappropriate for this professional setting.”
- Rehearsal. Once you’ve settled on a phrase that fits your comfort level (it’s always going to be a little uncomfortable to assert yourself in this way and combat the source of your oppression) and directly addresses your trigger, practice it. Out loud in the car, in your head, repeat it over and over so you can reach for it in the most stressful experiences and it will come out smoothly, without hesitation or variation.
That’s it. But it’s crucial because:
Lateral violence creates a hostile work environment that can have negative effects on employees, employers, and clients. It often leads to a higher number of absences, decreased productivity, low employee morale, increased employee errors, and higher staff turnover rates. The phenomenon can also lead to serious mental and emotional problems for individual employees. Victims of lateral violence may experience depression, trouble sleeping, low self-esteem, and decreased motivation to work. They may have difficulty forming and maintaining personal relationships. These feelings can negatively affect an employee’s performance…because lateral violence often becomes part of an organization’s culture, some employees choose to participate in the behavior rather than become victims themselves.
Which means it’s even more important to deal with, especially if you are a leader in an organization.
I’m not writing this in case you’re experiencing lateral violence. I unequivocally know you are experiencing it right now, whether within the workplace setting, socially, virtually, or by virtue of just existing right now. School drop-off lines and grocery stores and Facebook Marketplace are all environments where lateral violence is occurring. We need to do better, be better, and stop taking our frustrations out on others who are very likely in the same position we are. Spend a little time getting to the source of that anger, unhappiness, fear, whatever it is. And maybe you can’t use cognitive rehearsal because your oppressor is systemic or an entire organization. But you can do something – write letters, petition, meet with your school board, or local legislators. What you should NOT do is take it out on your coworker, spouse, parent, child, or peer. They are not the source.
To quote my five-year-old nephew who has be inadvertently trained in cognitive rehearsal by my brother for the specific trigger of bad drivers on the road:
Come on people! Be. Better.
